FASHION FRIDAY: Peachy Keen

Fashion Friday #fashionfriday

Hey y’all! It’s been a while since I wrote Fashion Friday. Mea culpa. I’ve been exploring the realm of other topics–any and all other topics.

But today, everyone’s favorite rude Etsy round-up is back…and juicy.

Peach Bow
Let people know you’re a dimwit before you turn around!

We’ll start off simply with this little peach bow from seller myjustpeachyshop (wonder how they came up in search? Hmm). This seller offers a lot of hair bows, all of which are perfect for adding a darling dash of “I don’t know what I’m doing” to your boring workday outfits. Where are those reports? I don’t know; I have a bow in my hair. Who left pudding in the office sink? Wasn’t me! Look, I’m wearing a bow.

Peach Aragonite Necklace
This thing is struggling to break free and kill us all.

Then it gets a little more complicated. This “peach aragonite gold” necklace from seller friedasophie looks like it has developed a life of its own. It will probably cut your throat while you’re wearing it, and I mean really cut it. But it’s so pretty, why not take a chance?

Peach Flats
Dance party! JK, you can’t afford these.

You knew some ballet flats had to make their way in here, and here they are. Seller thewhiteribbon knew exactly what I was coveting, and now I have to resist these suede-to-order shoes. Look how soft they are–like the outside of a peach, or a baby’s face right after it cries.

Peach Sundress
Bridal bitchface.

Last but not least, check out this serious chiffon sundress from seller LYDRESS. You may need to hire someone to stand behind you and hold it off the ground–and also to shield your modesty from curious onlookers, because this dress looks sheer as hell. Anything for fashion.

Are you gearing up for summer with some juicy gear? Let me know.

FASHION FRIDAY: Polka Dot Psychosis

For some of us, polka dots are a leery prospect. I personally owned nothing with polka dots on it until this summer, when my well-meaning mom sent me a bright blue scarf spotted with cheery little white circles. I am currently wearing that scarf. WHO AM I?

If you thought the inspiration for Fashion Friday came from divine insight, sorry; it actually came via USPS from Baltimore.

Fashion Friday #fashionfriday

WARNING: If you wear all of these items at once, you will spontaneously combust upon looking in the mirror.

Polka Dot Dress
Collard blues.

Let’s start off slow with this Peter Pan-collared dotty dress from seller FleetCollection. It’s sheer enough to be sexy, but not sheer enough that you’d need to charge people to look at you. Unless the bottom part is sheer too, which it looks like it is. In that case, make that money, girl.

Red Hair Bow
It’s a statement piece. The statement is, “I’m six.”

Next we have a classic polka-dotted hair bow from seller myjustpeachyshop–a steal at five bucks. You have to have a lot of hair to pull this one off, though, otherwise you might accidentally channel a desperate, meth-head Minnie Mouse.

Polka Dot Tights
Barbie feet not included.

Should you require some leg coverage, snap on these tights from seller BetweenLoveI’ve heard that polka dot tights can make your legs look fat, but so can ski suits, pizza pants, and jeans stuffed with packing peanuts. I guess what I’m saying is: live a little. And let me know when you’re done with your pizza pants so I can eat them.

Megadot Skirt
Each dot is actually a tiny civilization built of white marble.

Finally, this “mega polka dot” skirt from seller SandeeRoyalty offers a flattering cut with dots so big you could hide coded messages in them. Invite someone to decipher the code and “connect the dots”. Best pickup line ever: you’re welcome.

Like I said, don’t wear all of these together or the world will end. BUT if you do, send me a picture at lianna@theenglishmaven.com.