FASHION FRIDAY: Travel Chic

Hello, devoted Fashion Fridayers! Please accept my apologies for a long absence. What can I say? When business gets crazy, your own blog is the first to suffer. I’m working on that. ūüėČ

Tomorrow, I’ll take my third trip in as many months. I’ve got plane-wear down to a science–and I promise it’s not all Juicy Velour sweatpants and VS Pink hoodies.

Just in case it needs to be said, always build your travel outfit around your shoes.¬†I don’t know how many times I’ve shuffled past miserable women in the airport, tottering painfully on stiletto heels with their poor, raw toes hanging out like uncanned Vienna sausages. This pair of adorable, snappy lace-up flats from seller BangiShop is just the ticket.

Striped Leather Flats
Unlacing these leather sweat-sponges at the security checkpoint is gonna be a truly unpleasant experience.

High-quality yoga or palazzo pants are another good way to look like you’re not wearing your pajamas to tour the world, while totally wearing your pajamas to tour the world. I like this pair from seller OmBeautiful, who clearly has life figured out.

Yellow Palazzo Pants
What’s that? I’m sorry, I can’t hear you through all the Zen.

Definitely wear long sleeves on your travels. You can always push them up if you get hot, but you can never make your forearms warm without lighting them on fire. Or, you know, wearing a jacket. I’m digging this weirdo design from seller WoodenJacket.

Cowboy/Indian Shirt
Forever at war, on your chest!

The final thing you need to tie it all together, and trick your Starbucks-fueled fellow passengers into thinking you’ve got it all figured out, is a big ol’ piece of statement jewelry–like this honking cocktail ring from seller AtelierYumi. Just don’t forget to pick it up from the TSA’s little plastic bowl as you’re going through security.

Druzy Cocktail Ring
Punch uppity TSA officers in the teeth!

Wish me bon voyage!

FASHION FRIDAY: Comfortable Clothes for Creative People

Fashion Friday #fashionfriday

Happy Friday! It’s true–I’ve written a Fashion Friday post about being comfortable before. Okay, maybe more than once.

However, my quest for comfortable clothes continues. Here’s what I’ve discovered: It’s possible to look cute and/or professional without squeezing yourself into an outfit/shoe combo¬†that ruins your feet and/or your day.

Colorblock Top
You’ll never guess how expensive two pieces of silk can be once you sew them together.

Take, for example, this cute colorblock top from seller XSILK. Sure, since it’s sheer, you might have to wear something under it, thus doubling your effort–and since it’s silk, you couldn’t sweat or even sit down while wearing it–BUT you’d have enough room to release your stomach pooch. Take a deep breath and let it all hang out.

Pocket Shirtdress
Comfortably store all the nuts and seeds you need to make it through the winter!

If the last time you saw your ironing board was right before a wedding or a funeral, it might be better for you to stick to low-maintenance fabrics. This tentlike, cotton creation from seller deboy2000 is right up Not Really Trying Alley.

No one will be able to tell if you’re pregnant, or just impossibly chic!

Polka-Dot Sweater
Pantslessness is next to godliness.

Speaking of winter, that will be the perfect time to bust out this polka-dot¬†masterpiece from seller rockstreetvintage. People will be so enamored with your devil-may-care sweater style, they won’t even notice you’re not wearing pants.

Multi-strand Jersey Necklace
Kind of like a friendly, patriotic octopus.

Seller BaobabFabricArt made this necklace by drawing-and-quartering several thrift store sweaters, then gathering up their innards and having Rapunzel spin them into a sea creature. Whatever; I dig it.

Have a comfortable weekend!

FASHION FRIDAY: Gold on to Me

Fashion Friday #fashionfriday It’s a gloomy day in New Orleans today. You know what always helps with gloomy days? SPARKLY STUFF. Lucky for you, I sifted through a bunch of boring, low-quality gold stuff on Etsy for a few delicate, gorgeous pieces that you can actually all wear at once. How often does that happen? Let’s gold!

Gold Ear Cuff
What’s that, Legolas? You’re jealous of my jewelry?

First up, we have this magical ear cuff from seller knobbly, who may or may not be an elf princess. If you’ve always wanted an Industrial piercing, but you aren’t a fan of getting big, bloody holes punched through your cartilage (different strokes, different folks), you can try this less-permanent alternative on for style.

Gold Bar Necklace
Two inches long, made of gold, with a phoenix feather core. If you don’t get the reference, I don’t want to know you.

Barring complications, this necklace from seller bySiukwan should go with everything you own (unless everything you own is made of silver, in which case, here is my telephone number: (xxx) [REDACTED].

Gold Ring
Buy yourself a finger-hug.

Here’s a cute little gold ring from seller StefanieSheehan. Its open style would go perfectly with a light summer dress, or swollen, diabetic fingers.

Gold Bracelet
Murdered tree not included.

Finish your look with this hammered gold bangle by seller PointNoPointStudio. As usual, there’s one item about which I just can’t say anything bad. Look at this harmless little bangle. It has never experienced the horror of your wrist. This gold-themed post comes to you straight from an avowed brass-jewelry fanatic–but hey, I’m learning.

FASHION FRIDAY: Cony Lorm Fabian Com

Today I am wearing the most ridiculous sweater, which I got at a clothing sale full of stuff straight from Thailand.

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Why this face? I don’t have any others.

As you can see, my sweater is gray and a little bit too small for me. It’s also covered in zebras (some are colored, a la Yipes, the famous zebra of¬†Fruit Stripe gum fame).

Some of the zebras are saying something. It happens to be,

“Cony Lorm Fabian Com.”

This, dear friends, is the reason I bought the sweater. It makes no sense, and I love it unconditionally. So, in search of similarly lovable, nonsensical clothing items, I scoured the entrails of Etsy to bring you…

Fashion Friday #fashionfriday

Grammatically Incorrect Surprisingly Coordinated Fashion Friday!

Actually, I couldn’t find any clothing on Etsy that was grammar-related. And I’ve already done a zebra-themed post. So instead, here are some other things I like, in the random tradition of “Cony lorm fabian com.”

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Second grade-style. Look at that chunky heel.

How bout these lemon-and-stone sandals from seller AKIDILAV? I’m kind of a huge fan. They remind me of second grade, but in a way that says, “I am a dedicated second-grade receptionist. How many I direct your call?”

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YOU GUYS. THESE LOOK LIKE SO MUCH FUN.

You could pair those sandals with these tassel earrings from seller EPUU (I don’t know what is up with these all-caps seller names). There’s a bicycle handlebars joke in there somewhere, but I could never say anything sarcastic about these earrings, so let’s move on.

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Cherry blossoms! You know, because Japan.

Next, throw on this “tunic kimono blouse”e from seller wanderlustclothingHQ, which channels geisha style without going into the misogyny-and-lead-makeup-behind-the-scenes bummer deal. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, learn yoself.

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Sleek. And large. Which is, coincidentally, how my friends describe me.

Finally, this is the bag you shall carry to complete your ensemble. Seller Laroll clearly knows what’s up, because this bag comes in assortment of sizes–from “I’m a regular human being” to “Vastly pregnant and carrying my laptop, next week’s groceries, and all of my household pets too”.

Voila: Cony lorm fabian com! Seize the weekend!

FASHION FRIDAY: All of the Stripes

Fashion Friday #fashionfriday

In honor of my friend, Tory, who suggested I write about stripes today because we are both currently wearing stripes:

Here are some stripes.

Piano Dress?
TOO CHIC; CAN’T HANDLE

In the category of Things I Can’t Afford That Also Happen To Look Like Pianos, I give you this dress by seller iheartfink. It’s so impossibly chic, the seller even named it after Paris. Pretty sure you have to ask the fashion police permission before you put it on.

Urkel Shirt
Get picked out of your next lineup!

New for the Urkel in your life: this vintage shirt graciously offered us by seller ApplePickerVintage. It’s so hip, you can’t wear it into old folks’ homes because they get jealous.

Get it?

Okay, next.

Beach Hat
Doubles as a beach umbrella, backpack, and fruit basket.

Go nuts at the beach with this monogrammable giant striped beach hat from weirdly-named seller GladevilleFarmhouse. You’ll be glad it has your initials on it, when everyone else is wearing the same hat! Just kidding. That won’t ever happen.

80s Striped Knit
Killing it.

The last striped item is less about this striped knit shirt from seller VintageReBelle, and more about the fact that I would like this girl to be my best friend, please. Penetrating scowl? Check. Perfect bangs? Check. Portrait of sassy unicorn in immediate vicinity? Check, check, and check.

If you wear a lot of stripes–or you happen to be my new best friend above–holler at me in the comments!

FASHION FRIDAY: Peachy Keen

Fashion Friday #fashionfriday

Hey y’all! It’s been a while since I wrote Fashion Friday. Mea culpa. I’ve been exploring the realm of other topics–any and all other topics.

But today, everyone’s favorite rude Etsy round-up is back…and juicy.

Peach Bow
Let people know you’re a dimwit before you turn around!

We’ll start off simply with this little peach bow from seller myjustpeachyshop (wonder how they came up in search? Hmm). This seller offers a lot of hair bows, all of which are perfect for adding a darling dash of “I don’t know what I’m doing” to your boring workday outfits. Where are those reports? I don’t know; I have a bow in my hair. Who left pudding in the office sink? Wasn’t me! Look, I’m wearing a bow.

Peach Aragonite Necklace
This thing is struggling to break free and kill us all.

Then it gets a little more complicated. This “peach aragonite gold” necklace from seller friedasophie¬†looks like it has developed a life of its own. It will probably cut your throat while you’re wearing it, and I mean really cut it. But it’s so pretty, why not take a chance?

Peach Flats
Dance party! JK, you can’t afford these.

You knew some ballet flats had to make their way in here, and here they are. Seller thewhiteribbon knew exactly what I was coveting, and now I have to resist these suede-to-order shoes. Look how soft they are–like the outside of a peach, or a baby’s face right after it cries.

Peach Sundress
Bridal bitchface.

Last but not least, check out this serious chiffon sundress¬†from seller LYDRESS.¬†You may need to hire someone to stand behind you and hold it off the ground–and also to shield your modesty¬†from curious onlookers, because this dress looks sheer as hell. Anything for fashion.

Are you gearing up for summer with some juicy gear? Let me know.

FASHION FRIDAY: Navy + Black Leather

Fashion Friday #fashionfriday

 

Happy Fashion¬†Friday! Today we’re back to color combinations, because according to my eyes, too many of you are woefully ill-advised when it comes to which color goes with which.

Voila: navy blue + black leather. Simple, timeless, and really hard to mess up even if you have detached retinas.

Navy Blue + Black Clutch
Made from 50% blue cow.

Let’s begin with this clutch from seller JillyDesigns. Though I tend to stay away from strapless bags that demand you hold them like a small pet or underweight baby, I’d make an exception for this beauty. Notice how the blue complements the black. If you’re colorblind, send someone the link so they can notice for you.

Silk Panel Party Dress
Sass not included.

Next, I couldn’t resist this silk-paneled party dress from Australian seller ReverieAgain–despite knowing that no matter how dark the fabric color, I will always, always, sweat through silk. It’s like silk knows I am not classy enough to wear it, and turns my body against me.

Blue Resin Ring
Perfect for cocktail parties and breaking faces!

I’m slightly obsessed with this resin ring from seller metalsgirl. There are probably a¬†few¬†other things I would buy with my lottery winnings before dropping $110 on a ring, but you know, a girl can dream. And I definitely saw this ring in my dreams last night.

Leather Statement Necklace
Paint two black dots on your collarbone to complete the smiley face.

If that giant ring isn’t enough of a statement, try on this dominatrix-esque leather necklace from seller SartoJ. You don’t really need any other jewelry with this thing–and if you happen to get hungry, it’s right there to chew on.

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FASHION FRIDAY: Executive Editor

Fashion Friday #fashionfriday

Well hello there!

In honor of the insane amount of work coming my way in recent weeks (notice how you haven’t heard from me?), I’m thinking it’s time for another editor-inspired style post. Here’s what I’m enjoying on Etsy:

Gray Pencil Skirt
You’re fired.

Obviously, the first thing you need is a basic gray wool pencil skirt. I like this one from seller garylindesign. You can tell it’s appropriate for an editor, because “Mother’s Day” is in the title. Even your mom would approve.

Sheer Button Down
NOT a standalone item, just like leggings are still not pants.

Pair your new skirt with a practical–but still pretty–button-down. Try a sheer one, like this one from seller Lootvila, with a camisole underneath. Do you need the camisole? Yes. Why? Because if I can see your bra through your shirt, you are not gaining my confidence.

Coral Cutout Heels
Dwarf your competition.

As an editor, you should tower above everyone else. You’ll need a comfortable pair of heels for this. To show that you are superior, but not inaccessible, try heels in a fun color, like this playful pair from seller KaneliShop.

Geometric Cuff
This was 3D-printed! WHAT.

The final touch is a piece of statement jewelry. Notice how I said “a piece,” not “every single piece you own”. Less is more when it comes to writing–and the same goes for jewelry. Besides, when you slip on something like this amazing 3D-printed cuff from seller ArchetypeZ, no one will be looking at your earrings.

BONUS: Need to go to a fancy event, but still maintain your ice-queen professionality? Check out this gorgeous black wool gown from seller UnsungProductions.

I’ll happily accept gifts of any of the above items (shoe size is 8.5, and as for the rest…well, I’ll tell you in private).

FASHION FRIDAY: Phone Home

Fashion Friday #fashionfriday

Oh, Mardi Gras, you sweet, awful, heartbreaking harlot. You ate my phone.

And in honor of my replacement phone, which is admittedly sleek and sexy but does not contain the thousands of pictures, videos, texts, and notes that my old phone did/does, we’ll be focusing on phone accessories today.

Phone accessories for everyone! Cute ones! Dumb ones (but mostly cute ones)! Just don’t forget: the best accessory your phone can have is you, sober, knowing exactly where it is.

Leopard Phone Case
All of your photos come with a free, furry halo!

Look at this ridiculous mess from seller LeiCHARMS. If you’re feeling fierce, you can translate your fierceness to your iPhone with a furry, crystal-studded leopard case. You can also transmit all of the oils from your fingers and face; your coffee; Doritos dust. The list goes on.

Red Wool Galaxy Case
It’s elementary, my dear Samsung.

Any classy Galaxy S4 user would gravitate toward this lush red wool “phone wallet” from seller MariForssell. It’s low-key and high-quality; plus, it would keep you from idly playing with your phone instead of interacting with the real world. Can you tell I’ve been without a phone for days?

Teal and Coral Case
I’m thinking Aquafresh.

This printed wood case by TonCase reminds me of something. Nah, maybe not.

Fox Cases
WELL HELLO, YOU.

Obviously this fox-themed HTC One S case (the one on the left) from LovemeABC is already in my shopping cart. Is it worth $15 plus shipping from China to sport my spirit animal on my phone? Have you met me?

Do you have a phone case you love? I might just set mine up with some rubber Sugru corners and call it a day.

FASHION FRIDAY: Spring Sparkles

Fashion Friday #fashionfriday

Good morning, you sexy fiends.

Okay, so it’s not morning–I got a bit of a late start. No matter. I went to the gym today (who am I?) and am chock-full of energy to bring you EVERYTHING that sparkles on Etsy.

And by that, I mean four of the best sparkly things, because I don’t have all day. Let’s do this:

Green Amethyst Ring
Like a bug’s eye, but less gross and horrible.

Since it’s February, we should start with the February birthstone. But that’s amethyst, and I hate purple. So instead, check out this green amethyst ring from seller DaniqueJewelry! Did you know green amethyst was a thing? I’m skeptical.

Labradorite Earrings
*Not made from real Labradors.

Oh my god, look at these labradorite earrings from seller Ringsland. They are so sparkly, it’s like the night sky being crammed into your earlobes! Who needs astronomy? I’ve got jewelry.

Giant Gem Necklace
My preshusssss.

I wasn’t messing around when I said I would find all of the sparkles on Etsy. Fully half of them are contained in this ludicrously gigantic rhinestone necklace from seller stellacreations. It might break your neck when you put it on. But look on the bright side (get it?)–at least it’s not a choking hazard.

Instead of finishing this post with a bracelet, I think it’s time for a watch.¬†I hope you are appreciating these jokes.

Steampunk Plugs
Gears for ears.

Actually, upon further review, I haven’t found a sparkly watch on Etsy that is up to par for this post. Maybe the problem is that I don’t like sparkly watches. So instead, I give you these kickass, steampunk ear gauges from seller Jamlincrow. I don’t have double-zero gauges, but maybe someday when I’m done being all politically correct and having normal-sized earlobes, I’ll give it a try.

Are your retinas appropriately seared? Have you bought me those labradorite earrings yet? Please answer “yes” to both.