Good morning, you sexy fiends.
Okay, so it’s not morning–I got a bit of a late start. No matter. I went to the gym today (who am I?) and am chock-full of energy to bring you EVERYTHING that sparkles on Etsy.
And by that, I mean four of the best sparkly things, because I don’t have all day. Let’s do this:
Since it’s February, we should start with the February birthstone. But that’s amethyst, and I hate purple. So instead, check out this green amethyst ring from seller DaniqueJewelry! Did you know green amethyst was a thing? I’m skeptical.
Oh my god, look at these labradorite earrings from seller Ringsland. They are so sparkly, it’s like the night sky being crammed into your earlobes! Who needs astronomy? I’ve got jewelry.
I wasn’t messing around when I said I would find all of the sparkles on Etsy. Fully half of them are contained in this ludicrously gigantic rhinestone necklace from seller stellacreations. It might break your neck when you put it on. But look on the bright side (get it?)–at least it’s not a choking hazard.
Instead of finishing this post with a bracelet, I think it’s time for a watch. I hope you are appreciating these jokes.
Actually, upon further review, I haven’t found a sparkly watch on Etsy that is up to par for this post. Maybe the problem is that I don’t like sparkly watches. So instead, I give you these kickass, steampunk ear gauges from seller Jamlincrow. I don’t have double-zero gauges, but maybe someday when I’m done being all politically correct and having normal-sized earlobes, I’ll give it a try.
Are your retinas appropriately seared? Have you bought me those labradorite earrings yet? Please answer “yes” to both.